Rumblings on Breaking Free

They say

We are both oppressor

And oppressed

In this global system of relationships

But my local reality

Shows me that

I’m more the oppressor

Than oppressed

In this restaurant system

That brought me up

.

I have floated

Between ungratefulness

And gratefulness

For this restaurant system

For my parents

All ingrained in me

Whether I want it or not

.

I have floated

Between taking up the burden

Of change

When I tried so,

I noticed how a little bird

Who would also keep flying into the restaurant

It would take a shit and fly away

The workers would say

“What an annoying bird

Coming in searching for food

We have to close the door

So it can’t sneak in anymore”

I think this is quite a metaphor for

My futile attempts to change this

Restaurant system

Inside out

Then I tried letting it go

Oh the guilt

It crawled upon me

Eating me

Inside out

Yes my parents tried to pull me back in

Indirectly playing this guilt game

But no it didn’t work

I am still in this limbo stage

Floating

Sort of ‘rebelling’

.

I have floated

Over space

And my mind

Has traveled over time

Past, future yet it seldom

Remained in the present

.

Yes it is hard for me to accept

My local reality

I have blamed my parents

I have blamed myself

Sometimes I just can’t be

Happy in the present moment

Because it is so hard to accept

This ‘reality’ surrounding me

.

Yes there is no denial

The truth is
That my brothers and sisters

Suffer in this present configuration of restaurant system

Embedded in the global capitalist system

One sister told me

How she rarely sees her children

And how it’s hard to survive on this

A little more than minimum wage salary

Another sister told me

How her days are always the same

No energy

No fighting spirit

Not much meaning

Just days passing by

Waiting for the end of the month paycheck…

.

Knowing this

It is hard to me

To go to ‘work’

Or pretend to work

My privileged position

Of simply

‘Helping’ out my parents
Like a good little boy

Should do

(Though I am not that young anymore)

So I stay home

And write

Then I eat the food

Earned by my parents work

Such a contradictory world is it

Hahaha

.

A voice whispers

Break Free!

How?

I wish I knew

I am so ingrained in this

My attachments to life

To people, to family

My mind is so clouded in

Ignorance, craving and hatred

Lost in this ocean

How to fight this system

In which I am the Oppressor?

.

Perhaps it is time to

Let the old self die

And reborn new

(If that is possible)

That would mean

I need a new way of sustenance

Of living, of relationships

Where am I heading to?

I don’t know

But I know I am going somewhere

Though not running away from my Given reality

From Compassion

Towards my oppressed brothers and sisters

Somewhere where I can live

In the Present moment

No longer oppressor

No longer oppressed

Free

If you know of a place like this

Please give me directions

Dear reader

 

One thought on “Rumblings on Breaking Free

  1. Dear Jie, How I feel for you in your struggle to break free and be your own person and master of your destiny, and without guilt. Ah guilt, I know something about it…

    Guilt about going on dates with boys and lying about it to my mother Guilt about wanting to go to college instead of going to work to help out my mother Guilt about wanting to move to the dorm at college to have some freedom Guilt about wanting to go to Paris after graduating from college and leaving my mother Guilt about “living in sin” which made my mother ashamed Guilt about following my husband to Portugal thus”abandoning” my mother in the states Guilt about taking my daughter away from my mother who raised her And the ultimate Guilt about my mother dying while I was away on vacation

    That’s a lifetime of guilt! And what a mess it makes of your head and your life!

    There is no address I can give you, no place i can recommend because as Confucious said, “wherever you go, there you are” with all your baggage, with all your crap. Can’t get away from it because it’s in you, stuck to you until you make peace with yourself. A long process for sure but don’t give up!

    All the best, Ms. Flavia

    On Thu, Apr 14, 2016 at 10:04 PM, A Birds Calling wrote:

    > abirdscalling posted: “They say We are both oppressor And oppressed In > this global system of relationships But my local reality Shows me that I’m > more the oppressor Than oppressed In this restaurant system That brought me > up . I have floated Between ungratefulness ” >

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